Who says you can’t do that? (Answer: it’s probably you)
Hands up if you’re really, really good at something.
Hands up if you’re really, really bad at something.
Now, I’m no betting woman, but I’m going to guess your hand went up more quickly for the second hands up than the first.
Why are we so good at telling our closest friends and family members how brilliant and fabulous they are at just about everything, but when it comes to ourselves, why are we so ridiculously harsh?
I’ve been thinking about this over the past couple of weeks, prompted by a few things.
It started with a rejection email from a publisher I had submitted my work to. It was a new publisher and they were looking for new authors. I applied on a whim, but a couple of weeks later the – ‘I’m afraid we won’t be continuing…’ email landed in my inbox.
For a while (a good couple of days) I felt a bit miserable. Every rejection comes as a blow, no matter how many have come before or how hardy we’ve become.
But then I started to think about it.
Why did I really want a publisher?
A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with a brilliant author, who is writing women’s fiction books from her kitchen table and having a fabulous time. She gets to write what she wants, she has her own world of readers, she earns a very good amount, she works around her two young sons and yes, she’s self-published. Not only that, when agents and publishers spotted her success they offered to represent her and she replied ‘no thank you very much.’ She was very happy with her own world.
It's a conversation which has stuck with me. Yes, she has written more books than me, yes, her group of readers is bigger than mine and yes, she has really mastered her craft. But, in her own words, she started where I did. She did what she loved, she mastered the skills she needed and she created her own world.
And isn’t that what we all want? To create our own worlds which suit us, doing something we love which in some way can help others.
The whole essence of my Flowerpot world I am hoping to create here, is encouraging and helping others do what they love while I learn myself and hopefully pass on how not to do it.
Let me introduce you to Lizzie
On the days I have my wobbles (like the days after that last rejection) I think of Lizzie.
Lizzie is imaginary but she’s out there in the world. She feels a bit stuck. She doesn’t know what to do next but deep down she’s always had a dream she wanted to work doing X. It’s a dream she’s never really told anyone about, she feels too embarrassed to admit it out loud. Perhaps she was brought up by really well-meaning parents who told her X wasn’t a proper job and she needed to pay the bills. Or perhaps at school they told her she was no good at X and to do it she had to be much better than she was.
But Lizzie is feeling increasingly worse and not only that her whole world is suffering. She’s frustrated, fed-up, she feels her life isn’t her own and she has that horrible feeling is this really it? Her marriage isn’t what it was. Even her friendships feel flat. Lizzie can’t believe this is who she is now and doesn’t know where to turn next.
I really want to meet Lizzie. I’d like to introduce her to my books which I hope tackle some of these themes. I’d like to introduce her to all my fabulous podcast guests, ideally interview someone who does X and help her find out her first move. But most of all I’d love to ask Lizzie to just say it, say it out loud – go on, what is it you’d really love to do?
Because doing something you love, in my opinion, isn’t just an option, it’s a must-have in life. I was lucky enough to have parents who taught me this, a dad who loved what he did and did everything he could - along with my mum - to help me do the same.
Love what you do and you never work a day in your life – yes, it’s that, but it’s more too. Doing something I love has helped me navigate some of my darkest days. When my dad became ill, sitting, writing, creating my own worlds gave me somewhere to step and a place I could control. When he died, I wrote. When I grieved, I wrote. As I tried to work out how I would ever live life without him, I wrote.
He knew how it helped him in the tough moments of his life, doing something he loved, and I understand now this was another one of the reasons why he encouraged me. It’s not all about the dark, it’s about the light too. Finding something you love so much, you lose yourself for hours, only to find when you look-up, someone is enjoying your work too.
And now I want to pass this on to Lizzie, for my dad, and for me. I’d like to find Lizzie and work alongside her, to help her face her hurdles, not that I have the answers, but we can learn and try together.
So back to the question - why did I want a publisher?
The truth?
Validation.
Someone in the industry to approve my work. Well, hang on. That’s not what this Flowerpot world is about. The brilliant author self-publishing at her kitchen table, that’s much more like it.
So, my problem is, how do I know I’ll ever meet Lizzie? I don’t. But I do know I have to try and maybe I’ll meet many other more women who might find my work helpful along the way. But to do this I have to face my own demons – social media, marketing and what I’ve put off for so long – video content. I’ve never been good with numbers, but now I have to learn. I’ve never understood strategies or SEOs and if I’m honest I still don’t know difference between a story and a reel.
But if I’m going to find Lizzie I need to learn. The lovely Christine Preisig in her Next Chapter interview last week said it’s not the skills we are lacking, it’s the self-belief we can do it.
And we can learn, you and me, together if I’m lucky. The brilliant Martin Bisp in his interview the week before said he could problem-solve. If nothing else, he could do that.
I am guessing you can problem-solve too. Navigating school runs, organising holidays, don’t get me started on the four weeks until Christmas panic, remembering PE kits, helping out your friend. You’ve forgotten it’s world-book day, but now a tea-towel with some blue ribbon? A child has never looked so good.
So, who says you can’t do anything you put your mind to?
I’m guessing it’s probably you.
To be clear, whether you’re Lizzie or not, I am here by your side. You know that feeling of feeling rubbish, there are so many days when I feel it too. But we can learn, we can Google, we can ask, we can read, we can listen to lessons and podcasts and we can get better.
And really, isn’t this the best part?
So, hands up who thinks you’re brilliant - and can definitely learn what you need to learn?
That’s me, I’ve got my hand up… but I’d better go. I’ve got a video to film.