Why it’s time to say goodbye to feeling inferior
I have another confession to make.
When I first met this week’s Next Chapter guest William Hanson, I didn’t know exactly who he was.
Yes, I knew he was an etiquette expert. I’d seen his appearances on This Morning, I knew he’d written a book and I knew he travelled all around the world educating people about manners. And I knew he was a big deal.
I just hadn’t quite realised how big a deal.
My first meeting with the lovely William Hanson
When I met him, I thought he was lovely. He was charming, polite of course, and as his brother used to be a journalist in Bristol, it felt like we had a lot in common. He started talking about his podcast.
“You have a podcast?'“ I asked. “Wow, so do I.”
I presumed it was a podcast about etiquette and I made a mental note to listen to it as soon as I could.
I had an extra spring in my step the day I met William because I’d just been offered my first publishing deal. High on the excitement, I felt bold and brave. I told William about my podcast, I even wondered aloud if he’d like to be a guest? He gave me his email address and I told him I’d be in touch. What a lovely person I thought as we said our goodbyes.
It was only when I was back in the newsroom, I began to realise how well-known William is. Some of our younger members of staff were thrilled I’d interviewed him.
‘What was he like?’ they asked.
‘Was he polite in real-life?’
‘Was I starstruck?’
Starstruck? Why would I be starstruck? I know he’s been on This Morning, but should I feel starstruck about that?
It was only when I looked at his social media account I saw it. 3 million followers. 3 million followers. Wow, I thought. Etiquette is really popular.
And then I saw the name of the podcast he hosted. Help I Sexted My Boss. Of course I’d heard of it. I’d read about it, I just hadn’t clicked that William hosted it.
I was mortified.
And there I was asking him to come on my podcast. I cringed, I felt embarrassed, I’d made a complete fool of myself. I was bright red and horrified until one of my colleagues pointed out the obvious.
He’d given me his email address. This hadn’t changed. I had to ask him. So, I did, and he said ‘yes.’
But would I have asked him had I known?
Of course not. I would never have dared ask him – even though he would have still said yes. He didn’t know I hadn’t clicked and when I confessed all of the above to him while recording the podcast, he was gracious and humble and he was happy to be a guest.
So why do we do it to ourselves?…
…because after some unscientific research on my friends and colleagues, I discovered I’m not alone.
It is, I suspect, our old friend/enemy the ego. When we feel on a par or dare I say ahead/better than, we feel confident. When we feel inferior, we don’t. But the only person in this situation who was making me feel inferior – was me. If I had known who William was I would never have asked, even though he would have still said yes.
It’s made me look at a lot of what I’m doing and how I’m doing it.
When I work as a television journalist, with more than twenty-five years of experience behind me, I feel fairly confident most mornings I’ll be able to handle what comes my way. I have great colleagues, we go in to situations together and we normally find a way of making it work.
However, when it comes to my books and podcast, I stumble. I don’t have the bank of bestsellers behind me, I don’t have millions of downloads every month. I don’t have years of marketing experience behind me, but I do have a collection of hundreds of rejection letters from agents telling me my books aren’t for them.
But isn’t this the essence of Next Chapter living?
The whole point is we become the person we need to be by staying curious and learning what we need to do. People like William understand this - as do all my Next Chapter guests - because he has been through it all too. So, if he or they can help they will - it has nothing to do with inferiority or numbers - and this is where the magic lies.
When I confessed this story to William during the Next. Chapter interview, he told me he was cross. Not with me, but with society - that this is what we tell ourselves and it’s just not true.
We all start at zero, but think of the strength and the skills we gather as we learn, fail, get back up and try again. We’re not inferior, we’re just learning and those further along the path can see us trying just as they did too.
The Mind Architect Pete Crone often talks about how he trains sportspeople. He tells them you may miss a goal or you may score – you don’t know, but it’s up to you which one you choose to believe. As he says:
“Fear is just a thought; it has no power unless you give it power”
So, I’ve made a pact with myself, I’m going to let my inferior part have a bit of a rest and if this is something you feel too, I encourage you to do the same. This well-intentioned part may have been trying to protect us and keep us safe, but it’s also been blocking us too.
The truth is you’re you, and you’re not inferior to anyone. So, now the block is out of the way - you’re right here on your path, magnificent, learning and you.
So, take a deep breath and Imagine the possibilities of where you can go next, plus all the wonderful people you’ll meet on the way.
